so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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