John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
