And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
