allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
