Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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