and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
