Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
