remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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