On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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