wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
