but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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