You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
