you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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