I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
