I should be sponsored by Trojan
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
