That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
