Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
