Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
