I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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