I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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