mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
