Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
