dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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