I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
