stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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