Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
