i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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