somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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