Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
