I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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