She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i've created a new STD.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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