so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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