You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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