i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
