I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
