I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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