Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
