Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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