worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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