careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
