i can't believe i had my finger in that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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