I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
