one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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