found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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