It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
