dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
