She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
