I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
