Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
