Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
